Chastity and the Red-Blooded Male

Why would a virile, active, confident, successful man allow himself to be locked in an inescapable steel chastity device?

That’s the question I’ve been asked to answer.

And yes, it happens with my consent. Let’s get that out of the way.

The internet is full of stories in which men get tricked into enforced chastity. Locked and then abandoned, quite often. Or put in a device that’s welded or glued shut. Permanently denied—and cuckolded by the cruel mistress or vengeful wife.

Fiction is fine, fantasy is good, but the fact is that anything can be removed with the right tools.

Sure, it would take more than a pair of scissors, but nothing is truly ‘inescapable.’

Chastity play, therefore, is ultimately consensual.

I say ‘ultimately’ because there are many times when I would remove the chastity cage if I could.

It’s occasionally uncomfortable. It keeps me awake at night. It burns like hell, sometimes, when I get a dawn erection.

So why do I play the game?

The answer is complicated and multi-faceted. And this may not be all of it—there’s a deep, beautiful mystery in this game that I don’t fully grasp. But these are the things I understand.

And before I bare my soul, let me say that this is only one perspective based on the way Sophie and I play.

We like sex. We’re not into long-term denial of orgasm. We do not regard ejaculation as shameful. I am fairly well endowed and chastity play, for us, has nothing to do with cock-shaming or emasculation.

Not that I have any issue with kinksters who want to be humiliated and cuckolded. Whatever floats your boat. It’s just not our thing.

So I guess that makes this a list of reasons why a prosperous, sporty, good looking, successful, red-blooded man who has dealt with most of his shame and self-abasement issues still likes chastity play.

• She loves it

She loves it and I love her. I love the way it thrills her and lights her up. I love the playful, teasing side of her that comes to the fore when I’m locked up. She loves it, I love her, and it almost always puts us in a really good space.

• It’s intense

It’s intense… and I like intensity. I push hard when I run. I love a tough hike. Enforced chastity gives our sexual relationship an ongoing depth and fervour that nothing else can achieve.

• It’s a challenge

It turns out that I like sex better when it doesn’t come easy. There is satisfaction in endurance. The reward is always sweeter when it’s been hard to attain.

• It’s arousing

The cage makes me aware of my sexuality. It’s paradoxical—given that the cock cage could be seen as emasculating—but the steel between my legs reminds me often of my virility and stamina. It’s occasionally uncomfortable or burny (only a small fraction of the time, really), but mostly it imparts a wonderful sense of fullness in the crotch.

• I feel desired

Having her unrelenting steel hand wrapped around me, held fast with a key that I cannot find, lets me feel her desire for me in a way that is not possible without such an intense expression of it. 

• It unleashes lust

I want more sex and more intimacy when I’m locked in the cage. I guess we all want what we can't have. It’s another paradox. Sex is ‘less available’ to me but I want it and appreciate it more. And it fires up Sophie too.

• It’s extended foreplay

Sex becomes a long game when I’m locked up. Quite the opposite of the quickie, the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am experience. The long build-up of desire, the constant implicit promise of play in the offing—intimacy, punishment, erotic torture—it adds another dimension to life, especially to ordinary days.

• Masturbation control

Before Sophie I was a chronic wanker. Two times a day, on average. Chastity play has broken the habit. It taught me to live with pent-up desire, to relish both arousal and the vitality it gives me. There has been a spillover—these days I almost never masturbate, not even when I’m not locked up. In fact, I have come to appreciate the energy of contained libido so much that I will sometimes volunteer to put on the cage if I feel I’m at risk of wanking.

• A better relationship

Having my cock locked helps keep me ‘present’ in our relationship—less self-absorbed, less obsessed with my own needs. It engenders deeper intimacy. The cage even creates a sense of partnership. I am locked for Sophie, which keeps me alive in her mind too. She doesn’t forget. Enforced chastity connects us in a way that transcends a lot of everyday crap.

• It’s a delicious, never-ending game

I’m switchy. And competitive. I have a submissive streak but I don’t like to submit. In my fantasies I’m subjugated against my will. The chastity cage allows this to play out in our day-to-day lives. If I’m locked in the cage I can always be blackmailed into good behaviour, or persuaded into captivity.

• It’s a bridge

Chastity play is the perfect vehicle for transitioning from everyday life to kinky sex. That shift is not always easy. Once we get caught up in work and chores there’s a tendency to keep going on that track. There is an odd resistance, sometimes, to changing gears, making time and space for play and intimacy. But the cock cage demands a response. It insists we put aside the endless task lists and focus on us. It can take many forms, it’s not always sex, but the cage gets us back to what’s really important.

— o —

There’s a lot of overlap in these various points but I hope they give a sense of the power of chastity play in our lives—and why I willingly let myself be locked in the cock cage.

The delicious games that enforced chastity allows us to play means that the journey is just as good as the destination—sometimes better.

Of course, a lot depends on the keyholder. Sophie is strict, playful, tender, attentive, ravishing, supportive, wicked, imaginative, unflappable, indomitable—and highly sexed.

She likes tormenting me… she likes fucking me… she likes being erotically connected to me… and she loves having her steel hand wrapped around me to remind us both how incredibly lucky we are to be free to explore our sexuality in the way we do.

It’s a wild, warm, beautiful ride.